The First Hang At The Other Laundromat

July 7, 2010

[C.O.D.Y. The Robot Who Hangs Out enters the Other Laundromat. He’s dragging his suitcase.]

CODY: Hey. Do you work here?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: I do.

CODY: Nice. Is this a cool spot to hang?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Hang? This is a laundromat. People wash their clothes here.

CODY: That’s cool.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Are you going to wash those?

CODY: I was thinking I would do the one where you wash them for me.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: We don’t do wash-and-fold here. You have to wash it yourself.

CODY: Drag. Are you sure?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Yes. I am sure. You can get quarters over there. [points to quarter machine]

CODY: What’s your name?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Teddy.

CODY: So, hey, Teddy. I’m Cody. C.O.D.Y. It stands for come on down ya’ll. Like, come on down ya’ll and hang with Cody for a while.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: OK. Good. I’m kind busy right now so if you’re going to wash your clothes, you can start washing them.

CODY: This seems to be an alright spot to hang. Can I hang here?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: This is not a spot for hanging. This is a spot for washing clothes.

CODY: Drag. But all these people get to hang.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Those people are customers and only customers can hang here. And they’re not really hanging. They’re waiting for their clothes to be clean.

CODY: OK. I’ll be a customer then. I am putting on my customer face. Hello, employee. Can you help me open this suitcase?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: What? You need help opening your suitcase?

CODY: Drag, I know. Help, please?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Fine.

[the LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE opens the suitcase. All the clothes are neatly folded and clean.]

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Are you sure these clothes are dirty?

CODY: Uh, I think they are. Or maybe they’re not. It’s confusing for me sometimes.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: What is your deal, man? Why would you bring clean clothes to a laundromat?

CODY: Hey, look. So I really just want to hang here. I used to hang at the other Laundromat but Sarah told me I couldn’t hang there anymore.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: And why’s that?

CODY: Because I wanted to hang with her all the time. For eternity. I wanted to go to that great hang in the sky with her. But she isn’t ready yet.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: GODAMMIT. What are you, some kind of hangbot?

CODY: You know it.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Jesus H. This neighborhood’s going to shit.

CODY: Nah. The neighborhood seems to be an alright spot.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: You hangbots think you can go anywhere and hang out with whomever you want to, don’t you?

CODY: Niiice.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE : Well listen up, Cody. I’m going to lay a fat wad of Truth on you: That is not how shit works. You can’t hang all the time. Even hangbots have to work sometimes.

CODY: You think so?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: I know so.

CODY: Why is that, you think?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Because working makes hanging  more fun. If all you do is hang all the time, then life is one long hang and the hang has no meaning. Hanging will be all you know. But if you work, you’ll get a better feeling during the hang.

CODY: Drag. But even if I wanted to work, I wouldn’t be able to find a job because people keep saying this economy is sick. Sick in a bad way, not sick as in gnarly. Gnarly can be good, if you want it to be, but I’ve found that gnarly usually means –

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Shut up. Do you want to work here?

CODY: I might want to.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Do you want to work here?

CODY: Will it be a drag?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Yes. It will be work and work is a drag.

CODY: Then maybe I shouldn’t.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: How about this: if you work here, you can hang here all you want when you’re not working?

CODY: All I want?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: All you want.

CODY: An unlimited hang. For real though?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Yes. For real.

CODY: Niiice.

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: No, Cody. Not nice. Work: drag. Come back tomorrow and we’ll work on your people skills.

CODY: Can I hang here in the meantime?

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: Sure.

[Cody walks over to a young girl folding laundry.]

CODY: Hey. What’s up?

YOUNG GIRL: Nothing.

CODY: Are you washing some clothes?

YOUNG GIRL: Duh.

CODY: If you need help, just ask. I work here now.

YOUNG GIRL: OK.

CODY: Woah. Those are some tiny shorts you got there.

YOUNG GIRL: Those aren’t shorts, silly. That’s my underwear.

CODY: Niiice.

YOUNG GIRL: What’s your name?

CODY: Cody. C.O.D.Y. It stands for come on down ya’ll. Like, come on down ya’ll and hang with Cody for a while. What’s yours?

YOUNG GIRL: Clarissa.

CODY: Nice. How often do hang here?

YOUNG GIRL: Whenever we need to do laundry. You’re funny.

CODY: That’s cool. So about those underwear. Where do you buy underwear like that?

YOUNG GIRL: I don’t know. Kohl’s maybe. My mom buys it.

[her mother walks back from counter]

MOTHER: I buy what at Kohl’s, honey?

YOUNG GIRL: My underwear. You buy it at Kohl’s, right?

CODY: I’ve never been to Kohl’s. It is an alright spot to hang?

MOTHER: RISSA. What have told you about hanging out with hangbots?

YOUNG GIRL: We’re just talking.

MOTHER: Doesn’t matter. Didn’t you hear what happened to Dana Jessup? She was JUST TALKING to a hangbot one day outside the Circle K and later that night people saw her hanging with hangbots at party and she’s been missing since then.

YOUNG GIRL: Dana Jessup is a stupid slut.

MOTHER: That poor girl. Rachel showed her mom a picture of Dana online and she’s very fat now. Hangbots know nothing about nutrition. That poor girl. She’ll probably never go to college. So say goodbye to your friend and finish folding.

CODY: Drag. Your daughter can hang with me and then go to college later.

MOTHER: Say goodbye. Please leave us alone, sir.

YOUNG GIRL: Goodbye, Cody.

CODY: Bye. [he walks over to counter]

LAUNDORMAT EMPLOYEE: What was that all about?

CODY: Oh, nothing. Just a bad hang.

NEXT: Do We Need Cynar? 5

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The Fourth Laundromat Hang

June 21, 2010

C.O.D.Y. The Robot Who Hangs Out enters the laundromat. He’s dragging a large suitcase. Sarah stands near the counter.

CODY: Hey. How’s it going?

SARAH: Hey.

CODY: I brought some clothes. I want to do the one where you do the washing.

SARAH: OK. Now are these clean clothes or are they dirty clothes?

CODY: Whatever you want them to be.

SARAH: I want them to be dirty.

CODY: Why is that?

SARAH: Cody. I’ve already explained this to you. People bring dirty clothes here and we wash them.

CODY: Niiice. That’s awesome that you guys clean other dudes’ clothes.

SARAH: It’s not that awesome. OK. Let’s open this puppy up and see what we’re dealing with.

[she hoists the suitcase onto counter and unzips it.]

CODY: You’re so good at unzipping that.

[she takes out the clothes. they’re all nicely folded. she smells them.]

SARAH: Cody. These clothes are clean.

CODY: Drag. I want them to be dirty.

SARAH: No. You want your clothes to be clean so you can wear them.

CODY: Drag. So, hey. Can you wash them anyway?

SARAH: I’m not washing your clean clothes for you.

CODY: I have money. I won ten bucks in a darts tourney at Darryl’s dad’s house.

SARAH: You guys play for money?

CODY: Oh yeah. You should come hang sometime.

SARAH: Maybe I should. I’ve been hanging at my house too much and it’s been killing me.

CODY: Why have your house hangs been killing you?

SARAH: Oh, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.

CODY: Hey. That’s a nice hair style you have there.

SARAH: Thanks.

CODY: What’s it called?

SARAH: What do you mean?

CODY: Don’t some hairstyles have a name? Like Bob or Rachel?

SARAH: [laughing] It’s a pretty basic updo.

CODY: Updo. Updo. My girl has an updo.

SARAH: Cody, stop. I’m not your girl.

CODY: Someday you will be.

SARAH: No, I won’t. You shouldn’t be doing this, you know. Hangbots already have a bad reputation and you’re just re-enforcing the stereotype.

CODY: I’m not sure what any of that means. Hey. Will you smell my clothes again? I liked that.

SARAH: Cody. I’m not going to smell your clothes again.

CODY: C’mon, man. Smell them. I’ll smell your clothes.

SARAH: OK. Listen. It seems like you’ve been coming here not because you have clothes you need me to wash, but rather to tell me that you have feelings for me, and I’m just not comfortable with that.

CODY: No, man. I AM bringing clothes for you to wash.

SARAH: But they’re always clean.

CODY: But I don’t know they’re clean until you tell me they’re clean. So, I need you. I need you to tell me that my clothes are clean.

SARAH: That is absurd.

CODY: Love is absurd.

SARAH: OK, that’s it. I think it would be best if you didn’t come here for a bit.

CODY: Drag. Why?

SARAH: Because, just because. I would genuinely like to be friends with you. I enjoy your company and you make me laugh.

CODY: Niice.

SARAH: And I want you to have someone who will tell you that your clothes don’t need to be washed. I want to be that person for you, but I just can’t. Not right now. I hope this makes some sense to you.

CODY: I don’t understand and I am bummed.

SARAH: Maybe you’ll understand someday.

CODY: What if I went to another laundromat first and someone there told me my clothes were dirty and then I brought them here and you washed them for me?

SARAH: That could maybe work in the future. But for now, I need a little distance. Please don’t come here for a while?

CODY: I’ll try not to.

SARAH: Hug?

CODY: Niiice.

[they hug. CODY grabs a pen and writes something on the receipt pad on the counter.]

CODY: Here’s Darryl’s dad’s house’s address. We play just about every night. You should come hang.

SARAH: Thanks. Have a nice day.

CODY: I’ll try to.

[he walks toward the door. the suitcase is still on the counter.]

SARAH: Don’t forget your suitcase. Here, I’ll zip it up for you.

[she zips it up]

CODY: Actually I’m going to leave it here. That way, I’ll have a reason to come back later and talk to you.

SARAH: Oh Cody. You can’t do that if the other person tells you to take the thing you’re trying to leave behind.

CODY: Drag. I thought it was a good plan.

SARAH: [she's upset now] Please, Cody. Take the suitcase.

[he walks back to the counter and takes the suitcase down. he drags it out the door.]

NEXT: She’s Not Going To Waste Her Energy Arguing About This

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The Third Laundromat Hang

April 27, 2010

C.O.D.Y. The Robot Who Hangs Out enters the laundromat. He approaches the counter.

CODY: Hey. Sarah, right?

SARAH: That’s me.

CODY: You guys got internet here?

SARAH: No. Didn’t you ask me that other day?

CODY: Did I?

SARAH: Yes. You brought in your clean laundry and we dealt with that for a while. Then you asked if we had internet and I said no.

CODY: You have a great memory.

SARAH: Thanks.

CODY: So, when do you get off work?

SARAH: In five hours.

CODY: Wanna go to Darryl’s dad’s house for darts tonight?

SARAH: I’ll think about it.

CODY: Nice. Is it cool if I hang here while you think about it?

SARAH: Sure, CODY. You can hang here.

CODY: Nice.

SARAH: But I’m probably not going to go to Darryl’s dad’s house.

CODY: That’s OK. How ’bout I put on some tunes.

[“Bird on a Wire” by Leonard Cohen blasts from CODY.]

CODY: I play this song when I’m waiting for someone to decide something.

SARAH: I love Leonard Cohen.

CODY: So do I. I also love you.

Read More »

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C.O.D.Y. Wants to MIRL

April 25, 2010

[Made by Kieran McShane for a short film.]

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The Second Laundromat Hang

March 11, 2010

C.O.D.Y. The Robot Who Hangs Out enters the laundromat and approaches an old lady who’s folding laundry.

C.O.D.Y.: Hey, do you know where the suitcase is?

OLD LADY: What? Whose suitcase?

C.O.D.Y.: My suitcase. I left it here last week.

OLD LADY: Why did you do that?

C.O.D.Y.: So I wouldn’t have to drag it to a cricket tourney.

OLD LADY: Cricket? I didn’t know there were cricket tourneys in Dayton. Where do you play?

C.O.D.Y.: Darryl’s dad’s basement. It’s a fun time, you should come hang.

OLD LADY: You play cricket in a basement?

C.O.D.Y.: Yeah, over in Trotwood. No big whoop.

OLD LADY: But you could break something, or get hurt.

C.O.D.Y.: You think so?

OLD LADY: Definitely.

C.O.D.Y.: Nah. It’s cool. Well, one time a dart bounced back and went through Darryl’s dad’s foot and Gary 2 had to sober up and drive him to Good Samaritan, but we haven’t broken anything.

OLD LADY: Gary 2? A dart? I thought you said cricket, the British sport with balls and bats.

C.O.D.Y.: No, I mean cricket, the cool sport with darts and beer.

OLD LADY: I see. Well, very good then.

C.O.D.Y.: So, hey. Is Sarah working?

OLD LADY: Yes, but she’s in the back room talking with her boyfriend.

C.O.D.Y.: Boyfriend? Drag.

OLD LADY: I could ask her about the suitcase, if you’d like.

C.O.D.Y.: No sweat. I’ll come back so I can get more face time with her, if you get my meaning.

OLD LADY: I do get your meaning, and I don’t like it. You’re a robot. You can’t flirt with humans.

C.O.D.Y.: Drag. Why not?

OLD LADY: Because humans should flirt with humans and robots should flirt with robots.

C.O.D.Y.: For real? Says who?

OLD LADY: Most people. There should be a law, really.

C.O.D.Y.: Drag.

The song “Dreams” by The Cranberries blasts from CODY’s speakers.

C.O.D.Y.: I play this when I’m bummed. Oh my life. Is changing everyday. In every possible way.

OLD LADY: Jesus H. I cannot believe the morons at Wright State let all these robots run wild. Turn that off.

C.O.D.Y.: I’m not running wild, man. I’m hanging out. With everyone I see. And if you think that’s a bad thing, then I don’t know what to tell ya.

Next: There’s No Reason Why You Can’t Put Guinness in My Bloody Mary

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The First Laundromat Hang

February 22, 2010

C.O.D.Y. The Robot Who Hangs Out enters the laundromat dragging a large suitacse. He approaches a Young guy.

CODY: Where should I put this?

YOUNG GUY: I don’t work here.

CODY: Aw, drag.

CODY walks to the counter. A YOUNG WOMAN is behind the counter reading a book.

CODY: Can you help me out?

YOUNG WOMAN: What’s up?

CODY: What should I do with these clothes?

YOUNG WOMAN: Well, are you going to wash them yourself or do you want to leave them here?

CODY: Leave them here? No, man. I really need these clothes.

YOUNG WOMAN: I meant, do you want to pay for wash-and-fold service and pick them up later? Or are you going to wash them yourself?

CODY: I want the one where you do it.

YOUNG WOMAN [handing him a laundry bag]: So you’ll have to take the clothes out of the suitcase and put them in this bag so I can weigh them.

CODY: Excuse me?

YOUNG WOMAN: I need to see how much your clothes weigh because we charge by the pound. And if I put the whole suitcase on the scale it won’t be accurate.

CODY: This scale doesn’t work with suitcases?

Read More »

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ryanthomasgrim [AT] gmail
Published Work

Page 1: The Fox in the Garage

How I Started a Family

Do We Need Cynar?

Gary 1 and Gary 2

I Work at a Fashionable Hotel Called the Hudson

C.O.D.Y. the Robot Who Hangs Out

Ann and Her Birdhouses

Luke and His Bobber

The Fox in the Garage in 3-D

105 Stories About Ohio

Bits

The Slugman of Herbert Street

Harold and the Purple Women

Video

Dos Factotum

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