The Bay Area

April 25, 2013

You got Oakland. You got Berkeley. You got San Jose. You got San Francisco. Those are the big ones. You got Sausalito. You got Tiburon. You got Emeryville. Good boat towns. Fremont, Hayward, Concord, Sunnyvale, Santa Rosa, and Vallejo are also cities in the Bay Area.

We’re up in Napa County now. You got Yountville, you got St. Helena, Napa the city, Calistoga, and American Canyon. Valleys in Napa Valley include: Pope Valley, Capel Valley, Chiles Valley, and Gordon Valley. Dry Creek is in Napa County.

In Sonoma County you got Cloverdale, you got Cotati, you got Healdsburg, you got Petaluma, you got Rohnert Park, you got Santa Rosa (repeat), you got Sebastopol, you got Sonoma the city. You got Windsor. You got Sea Ranch and you got Bodega.

In Alameda County you got Oakland (repeat), Fremont (repeat), Hayward (repeat), and Berkeley (repeat), and Emeryville (repeat). You got Alameda the city and you got Albany and Livermore and Union City and Newark and Dublin. There’s Piedmont and there’s Pleasonton and there’s San Leandro. A girl I know who grew up in San Leandro says San Leandro is the pits. Have a good time there and prove her wrong. Komandorski Village: that’s a mouthful. Scotts Corner is named after a guy named Thomas Scott and used to be called Scott’s Corner with an apostrophe.

In Contra Costa County you got El Cerrito, Hercules, Pinole, Richmond, San Pablo. You got Clayton, you got Concord, you got Danville, you got Lafayette, you got Martinez, you got Moraga, you got Orinda, you got Pleasant Hill, you got San Ramon, you got Walnut Creek, you got Antioch, you got Brentwood, you got Oakley, and you got Pittsburg. “I’ll take two pickets to tittsburg” is an old Pittsburg joke. You got another mouthful coming up: Bayview-Montalvin.

We’re down in Marin County (repeat) now. You got Ross. You got Mill Valley. You got Fairfax. You got Larkspur. You got Novato. You got Corte Madera. San Anselmo and San Rafael. You got Sausalito (repeat) and Tiburon (repeat) and Belevdere. Stinson Beach: small town. Good fish tacos in Stinson Beach. Eat a Caesar salad in Tiburon (repeat) and drive up to Stinson Beach (repeat) for a fish taco or three and have yourself a time. You got Marin City and a place called Black Point-Green Point. Sleepy Hollow is not spooky. Keep USA out of Dillon Beach!

San Francisco (repeat) is the only consolidated city-county in the state of California. You only got San Francisco (repeat). That’s it. That’s all you got here. Eat at the Stinking Rose in North Beach and you will have garlic farts for a week. In San Francisco you got all these too: Alamo Square Anza Vista Ashbury Heights Balboa Park Balboa Terrace Bayview Belden Place Bernal Heights Buena Vista Castro Cathedral Hill Cayuga Terrace  China Basin Chinatown Civic Center Clarendon Heights Cole Valley Corona Heights Cow Hollow Frederick Knob Crocker-Amazon Design District Diamond Heights Dogpatch Dolores Heights Duboce Triangle Embarcadero Eureka Valley Excelsior Fillmore Financial District Financial District South Fisherman’s Wharf Forest Hill Forest Knolls Glen Park Golden Gate Heights Haight-Ashbury HayBro Hayes Valley Hunters Point India Basin Ingleside Ingleside Terraces Inner Sunset Islais Creek Jackson Square Japantown Jordan Park Laguna Honda Lake Street Lakeside Lakeshore Laurel Heights Little Hollywood Little Russia Little Saigon Lone Mountain Lower Haight Lower Pacific Heights Lower Nob Hill Marina District Merced Heights Merced Manor Midtown Terrace Mid-Market Miraloma Park Mission Bay Mission District Mission Dolores Mission Terrace Monterey Heights Mount Davidson Nob Hill Noe Valley North Beach North of Panhandle Oceanview Outer Mission Outer Sunset Pacific Heights Parkmerced Parkside Parnassus Polk Gulch Portola Portola Place Potrero Hill Presidio Presidio Heights Richmond District Rincon Hill Russian Hill Saint Francis Wood Sea Cliff Sherwood Forest Silver Terrace Somisspo South Beach South of Market South Park Sunnydale Sunnyside Sunset District Telegraph Hill Tenderloin Treasure Island Twin Peaks Union Square University Mound Upper Market Visitacion Valley Vista del Mar West Portal Western Addition Westwood Highlands Westwood Park Yerba Buena. But San Francisco (repeat) is the only city in San Francisco County (repeat) so you really only got San Francisco (repeat) here.

San Mateo County. You got: not much! Don’t go! You got Colma and Daly City: you can skip those. Foster City: not much to do there. Half Moon Bay: sounds nice but it is not nice. You got: Atherton, Menlo Park, Brisbane, Belmont, East Palo Alto, Hillsborough, Burlingame, Millbrae. You got three Sans—San Carlos and San Bruno and San Mateo the city—and you can skip all three. South San Francisco is not in San Francisco County (repeat). It is in San Mateo County (repeat). Woodside, Pacifica, Portola Valley, Redwood City: skip those. Moss Beach: never been, not going.

Moving on to Santa Clara County. You got San Jose (repeat), the tenth-largest city in the USA. East San Jose is a city too sort of. King and Story: not a city but has a good name. Cupertino: good spot. Steve Jobs lived there before he died. You got Gilroy. You got Los Altos. You got Morgan Hill. You got Los Gatos and Milpitas and Monte Sereno. You got Saratoga and Sunnyvale (repeat). Palo Alto is a college town with cheap food and smart girls. Eat your fish tacos in Stinson Beach (repeat) and your Caesar salad in Tiburon (repeat) and then drive up to Palo Alto (repeat) and chat up a smart college girl and drive her around the Bay Area. Now that’s an ideal Bay Area day right there. Santa Clara the city is a place. You got Mountain View. You got Campbell. Rucker is a place but not a real town.

Solano County is a county in the Bay Area. You got Benicia. You got Dixon. You got Rio Vista. You got Suisun City. You got Vacaville. You got Fairfield. You got Vallejo (repeat).




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