Do We Need Cynar?

March 26, 2010

My wife comes home tipsy and says:

-Have you heard of Cynar?

-I think so. No I haven’t.

-Interesting.

-What’s interesting?

-That you run a bar and you don’t know Cynar. It’s an artichoke liqueur.

-I haven’t heard of everything.

-Don’t you keep up?

-I keep up. I read my sites.

-What sites?

-You wouldn’t know them.

-What sites?

-Webtender, for one.

She takes out her phone and goes to Webtender and laughs.

-What’s wrong with Webtender?

-Nothing.

-Why are you so into Cynar?

- We were just at the Fear and the bartender made us a drink called the Harrumph. It’s gin, soda, something else, and Cynar, and I asked him what Cynar was and we chatted and I told him you run Hey Jealousy. He loves your burger.

-We do a good burger.

Do we need Cynar? Is Hey Jealousy the type of bar that serves Cynar? Am I the type of the guy who runs a bar that has Cynar? Could I make my own version of the Harrumph and give it another name? The Hound Dog? The Wife? Why am I not a creative person? Would people order it? What would it cost? Will we continue to lose more and more money? What will I do once the bar goes under? What are my talents, and where are these green jobs? Is it too early for us to have Cynar? Too late? Who else has Cynar? Who could I call at New York Beverage?

-Brian. I have a question. Who’s getting Cynar?

-Most people. You’re not?

-Why would I?

-For Harrumphs. How are you making Harrumphs?

Was 25 bottles too much? How long will they last? Till 2030? Will I be alive in 2030? Will I be married? Will someone I know from school be president? Andrew Yingling? Does he have the cojones? Are we still calling them cojones? Am I the type of guy who says cojones whether or not other people are calling them cojones? Do I have the cojones to sleep with M. again? Will she be impressed when I tell her we’re adding a new drink even though it’s not a new new drink? Are there any new new drinks to be made? Will I have to show her and Robbie how to make it or could they learn online? Have I ever taught anyone anything before?

Next: I More or Less Wrote That Song

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