There’s No Reason Why You Can’t Put Guinness in My Bloody Mary

March 24, 2010

Brunch last Sunday was me, Fay and Michael from the Hudson, and their friend Z who designs t-shirts that are just OK. We went to Hey Jealousy, my third choice behind Egg and Kinderhaus, which were both slammed. Z is kinda fat so after the hostess showed us our table he made it clear he wanted to sit in the chair that would give him space to spread out. I ended up in a chair that was against a booth and throughout brunch the loud couple in the booth talked about their friend Steve who has herpes and how the morning after he gets with a girl he films her while telling her that she may have herpes now and posts the clips on Stevegaveyouherpes.com or Yougotherpesfromsteve.com or whatever it was, so be wary of all Steves, ladies.

I’m in love with the waitress at Hey Jealousy with the small face and short black hair, but we weren’t seated in her section and got stuck with the tall one who talks too softly and has a tiny tattoo of what may be a fax machine on her arm. She asked for drink orders and I said I’d like a Bloody Mary with a splash of Guinness. Z and Michael were like, What? Let me explain: On Saturday I ordered a Bloody Mary at the Fear and as the bartender was making it he added a half-shot of Guinness, straight from the tap, and I was like, You guys put Guinness in your Bloody Marys? and he said, Yeah, and I said, Is it good? and he said, You tell me. And it was, no joke, the second-best Bloody Mary I’d ever had, after Marlow and Sons of course. Very thick, and you can barely taste the Guinness, it’s only there for muscle. So I told the girl at Hey Jealousy I wanted a Bloody Mary with a splash of Guinness, and she said:

“What?”
“A Bloody Mary with a splash of Guinness.”
“We don’t do that.”
“Oh. But you could do that.”
“We don’t put beer in our Bloody Marys.”
“But you have Guinness on tap, I can see it.”
“Yeah but we don’t put it in other drinks.”
“There’s no reason why you can’t put Guinness in my Bloody Mary.”
“The reason is, we don’t put beer in our Bloody Marys. If you want, you could buy a pint of Guinness and a Bloody Mary and spoon out some Guinness and put it your Bloody Mary.”
“But I don’t want a whole Guinness. How about you give me the Bloody Mary and I walk over to the bar and add a splash of Guinness myself?”
“No.”
“What would happen? Would an alarm go off? Can I at least ask the manager?”
“Fine.” She walked away all pissy and a minute later came back with a manager, and we shook hands. He said, “What’s the problem?”
“I want a splash of Guinness in my Bloody Mary.”
“Why?”
“They do it at the Fear and it’s amazing.”
“Sure, I don’t see why not.”

We agreed that my Guinness-y Bloody Mary was better than Z’s Guinness-less Bloody Mary but not as good as the Fear’s Guinness-y Bloody Mary or the Bloody Mary at Marlow and Sons. And then it hit me: The ultimate Bloody Mary would be a Marlow and Sons Bloody Mary with Guinness. Z said they don’t have Guinness on tap but we could probably sneak some in, so after brunch we stopped in a bodega and bought a six of Guinness and put the cans in our pockets. We walked to Marlow and Sons and each of us ordered a Bloody Mary and drank a few sips to make space. We went into the bathroom together and poured in the Guinnesses and mixed it up with our fingers. They tasted great, but not as great as they were before the Guinness.

Next: Do We Need Cynar?

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